A Decidedly Dumb Thing I’ll Never Do Again

Keep squirming & there’s going to be a little bald girl with no lollipop.

– Lisa’s stylist, dealing with gum

Here’s a new opportunity for y’all to learn from/laugh at my failings.

Over the weekend, I was Dremelling a bad finish off a vintage chandelier. In the interest of safety, I was wearing a dust mask and safety glasses. Said glasses slipped down my nose, and in response, I made a really bad automatic decision.

The big, dumb mistake: I used the back of my right hand to push the glasses up. My right hand was holding the Dremel, which caught my hair, reeling in my hand at high speed and causing me to PUNCH MYSELF IN THE FACE.

I attempted to turn the tool (still running, loudly) off at the switch. The switch was pretty firmly wedged against my skull, so I pulled the cord out of the wall with my left hand. (The irony of my left hand’s usefulness at this juncture is not lost on me.) I proceeded upstairs with my new Dremel-hat, already keenly aware of my seriously dumb appearance.


I sat on the floor while the Kev attempted to make sense of this fresh ridiculousness. I took off the wayward safety goggles, which, apparently, had been holding in all my blood.


“Where are you bleeding from??” Kev demanded.

“I dunno — my head somewhere?” I replied

Kev cut the Dremel out of my hair to administer first aid, leaving me with a bald spot and bleeding coordinates — an impact wound on my forehead. Luckily, I’d been using a nylon brush rather than a cutting wheel, or things could have been much worse, scalp-wise.


Kind to scalps, not so gentle on your hair.

Good news was that I didn’t even need stitches. The bad: my hair was not exactly a Pre-Raphaelite-level tangle hazard before the incident, but I am now left with the quandary of how to deal with an unexpected bald spot right above my face.


One option.

Eventually, I arrived at to a two-part solution — a way to corral hair during Dremel use, as well as a means to cover DIY-pattern baldness.

David Foster Wallace world copyright Giovanni Giovannetti/effigie

David Foster Wallace
world copyright Giovanni Giovannetti/effigie

Let it not be said that one of the great literary minds of my generation did not also provide practical fashion guidance (as well as post title ideas). Wallace first used bandanas to deal with sweating, but they would also keep one’s hair out of power tools. I’ve often used scarves while gardening (not that I sweat, of course — lady gardeners glow). Now that I’ve been upsold on the need for hair control indoors, it’s time to introduce my goggles and mask to their new friend, Tightly Wrapped Scarf.

The same basic concept (in girlier headband form) is also serving to hide my attractive bald spot, something like this:

Picture/Product via Bolder Band

Picture/Product via Bolder Band

So sporty, right?? I don’t look this confident about it. Grow, hair, grow!!!

The actual moral of this story: Don’t do what I did! Or more specifically, stay focused while using power tools. Even a lightweight tool like a Dremel can mess you up far worse than the love-bite I received. Always maintain a healthy respect for the tools, and use them in a deliberate and careful manner.

(Also, one sub-moral: Never — ever — do an image search for “power tool stuck to head”.)

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