Had It

Honey, let me explain what happened tonight. Sometimes when your mom has half a glass of wine, she goes cuckoo bananas.

– Marge Simpson

I’m a stress puppy from a family of stress puppies, but I thought I was dealing with the remodel pretty well. “It will all get done eventually!” I’d say. “There’s no point losing our minds over it!” The Kev was more stressed than I was, and THAT, my friends, is an unusual state of affairs.

Kevin's spirit animal.

The Kev’s spirit animal.

Those days are over.

One of the oddest ways I exhibit stress is to seek out an additional project. As if work isn’t full-on right now and there isn’t enough to do with the remodel. I can’t explain it, but I tend to find something completely unnecessary and decide it needs to be done. NOW.

Here’s what I decided needed doing:

fainting couch

Ok, hang in there with me. First, reupholstery would be a given. Obviously. Second, I would get rid of the horns. But doesn’t a reading room need a cool couch or something to curl up on? Look at the carving!

fainting couch head

The Craigslister who has never been to a zoo described this as a lion’s head. Regardless of the head’s origin, though, is that not utterly wonderful?



Shut up, crickets!

And also shut up, co-worker who, when shown the picture, responded simply that fleas sometimes still carry the plague.

Can no one see how much potential that thing has?!?



There are healthy ways to deal with stress. Spend time away from the house. Get some exercise. Get some bloody perspective, for that matter. But sometimes, all you can do is sprinkle Xanax on your ice cream and hope for the best. And pass on the fainting couch.

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4 Responses to Had It

  1. I know exactly what you mean, unfortunately. I thought i was handling everything well until I realized I have had a chronic stomachache for the past 3 weeks. Hmmm. Aaaand then i realized i spent 7 hours straight researching the perfect shade of white paint. Suddenly i have the urge to go to the antique mall and buy an old drafting table, which i currently have zero room for, as everything we own plus construction debris is packed into our dining and living room. Sighhhh.

    • Stacey says:

      AAAAAAAAAAAAH, I HAVE A POST IN PROGRESS ABOUT CHOOSING WHITE PAINT!!! Do you suppose there are identifiable stages of remodeling. Stage 1: excitement. Stage 2: picking white paint…

  2. marie says:

    bwahahaha! xanax sprinkles on ice cream. love it! This summer I thought it would be a good idea to sell our house (necessitating finishing up too many projects), self-move across country so I can start yelling at the contractors that were supposed to be done on the new-to-us house. And in between? yeah, we had a wedding complete with self-catering and out of town guests. I’d better go refill that xanax 😛

    • Stacey says:

      Wow, congrats, Marie! THAT is a story I’d like to read in extended form — did you document it online? I’m starving for good online reads.

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