Had It

Honey, let me explain what happened tonight. Sometimes when your mom has half a glass of wine, she goes cuckoo bananas.

– Marge Simpson

I’m a stress puppy from a family of stress puppies, but I thought I was dealing with the remodel pretty well. “It will all get done eventually!” I’d say. “There’s no point losing our minds over it!” The Kev was more stressed than I was, and THAT, my friends, is an unusual state of affairs.

Kevin's spirit animal.

The Kev’s spirit animal.

Those days are over.

One of the oddest ways I exhibit stress is to seek out an additional project. As if work isn’t full-on right now and there isn’t enough to do with the remodel. I can’t explain it, but I tend to find something completely unnecessary and decide it needs to be done. NOW.

Here’s what I decided needed doing:

fainting couch

Ok, hang in there with me. First, reupholstery would be a given. Obviously. Second, I would get rid of the horns. But doesn’t a reading room need a cool couch or something to curl up on? Look at the carving!

fainting couch head

The Craigslister who has never been to a zoo described this as a lion’s head. Regardless of the head’s origin, though, is that not utterly wonderful?



Shut up, crickets!

And also shut up, co-worker who, when shown the picture, responded simply that fleas sometimes still carry the plague.

Can no one see how much potential that thing has?!?



There are healthy ways to deal with stress. Spend time away from the house. Get some exercise. Get some bloody perspective, for that matter. But sometimes, all you can do is sprinkle Xanax on your ice cream and hope for the best. And pass on the fainting couch.

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