Lost in the Crafting Market

Smithers: Help…me…
Dr. Nick: Holy smokes! You need booze!

– The Simpsons

I am not crafty. I’ve never felted, scrapped or decoupaged. It’s not that I’m anti-craft(!), it’s just not something I’ve done. But I still find myself wandering aimlessly around hobby shops when I know I need something, but I’m not sure what. (This technique recently resulted in curtain rod finials made of doll heads.)

plain canopyMy idea was to dress up a plain ceiling canopy for the light fixture I’m restoring. Fully original fixtures usually have a coordinated canopy. But how to achieve the look??

I started at Goodwill with the brilliant idea of finding deco-styled flatware handles to apply in a ray pattern to the canopy. I sorted through the flatware bins — long and single-mindedly enough that I reckon Goodwill staff thought they had a Very Special Customer in Aisle 3. I found what I was looking for! But…

Imagine just the handles. You see what I was going for, right? RIGHT??

Imagine just the handles. You see what I was going for, right? RIGHT??

I can’t see it ending up looking like anything other than stacks of utensil handles. D’oh!

So I hied myself to Michael’s and Joann’s, where I wandered lonely as a cloud through aisles and aisles of unfamiliar items. What is an embossing folder for, exactly? How are brads used in scrapbooking? Once one uses a rubber stamp, does one not tire of that particular stamp? Won’t someone think of the plight of used rubber stamps?!?

I hoped inspiration would strike, but instead, I found a series of items that appealed to my inner 12-year-old:

woodsies

stiffy

foam

My maturity knows no bounds. And for some reason, whenever I’m having an inner pubescent moment, a chirpy sales associate happens past. I clearly need help (on so many levels), but I just can’t think of a way to tell these nice ladies what I need without admitting my embarrassing level of uncraftiness (“Well, it all started with an idea about spoon handles that went horribly wrong…oh, and this? This bottle of Stiffy is for a different project.”).

Ultimately, I staggered into the jewelry-making department, where I started throwing anything vaguely filigree into my basket.

It's all so beautiful...must buy it all...

It’s all so beautiful… must buy it all…

I brought my loot home and started playing around. I have some stuff clamped and drying at the moment, so I’ll report back on whether filigree is a winner, or if I should have stuck with spoons.

Aside to Momma D’oh: Wish you were here to explain embossing to me (and to giggle about inappropriate craft product names).

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2 Responses to Lost in the Crafting Market

  1. Mom says:

    I wish I was there as well. Who on earth would name a product “Stiffy”?????? Have they never heard the REAL meaning of such a term?? Or maybe – and this may be the more likely scenario – I’ve never used it for its true intended use. Scarey Stiffy! Hope your filigree works out wondrously. You always come up with solutions that look great. Besides, you always know what’s going on at Joanne’s! Thanks for the shout-out! Love U, Momma

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