Lost in the Crafting Market

Smithers: Help…me…
Dr. Nick: Holy smokes! You need booze!

– The Simpsons

I am not crafty. I’ve never felted, scrapped or decoupaged. It’s not that I’m anti-craft(!), it’s just not something I’ve done. But I still find myself wandering aimlessly around hobby shops when I know I need something, but I’m not sure what. (This technique recently resulted in curtain rod finials made of doll heads.)

My idea was to dress up a plain ceiling canopy for the light fixture I’m restoring. Fully original fixtures usually have a coordinated canopy. But how to achieve the look??

I started at Goodwill with the brilliant idea of finding deco-styled flatware handles to apply in a ray pattern to the canopy. I sorted through the flatware bins — long and single-mindedly enough that I reckon Goodwill staff thought they had a Very Special Customer in Aisle 3. I found what I was looking for! But…

Imagine just the handles. You see what I was going for, right? RIGHT??

I can’t see it ending up looking like anything other than stacks of utensil handles. D’oh!

So I hied myself to Michael’s and Joann’s, where I wandered lonely as a cloud through aisles and aisles of unfamiliar items. What is an embossing folder for, exactly? How are brads used in scrapbooking? Once one uses a rubber stamp, does one not tire of that particular stamp? Won’t someone think of the plight of used rubber stamps?!?

I hoped inspiration would strike, but instead, I found a series of items that appealed to my inner 12-year-old:

My maturity knows no bounds. And for some reason, whenever I’m having an inner pubescent moment, a chirpy sales associate happens past. I clearly need help (on so many levels), but I just can’t think of a way to tell these nice ladies what I need without admitting my embarrassing level of uncraftiness (“Well, it all started with an idea about spoon handles that went horribly wrong…oh, and this? This bottle of Stiffy is for a different project.”).

Ultimately, I staggered into the jewelry-making department, where I started throwing anything vaguely filigree into my basket.

It’s all so beautiful… must buy it all…

I brought my loot home and started playing around. I have some stuff clamped and drying at the moment, so I’ll report back on whether filigree is a winner, or if I should have stuck with spoons.

Aside to Momma D’oh: Wish you were here to explain embossing to me (and to giggle about inappropriate craft product names).