How Does Your Garden Grow? It Doesn’t

Bart: Now is the winter of our discontent.
Ralph: Oh, no! Run!

– The Simpsons

I keep returning to this wonderful article by botanist Phil Gates for the BBC as I wait for spring.

And wait. And WAIT. Stupid tundra! Why must you piddle in my Cheerios?? I dared to think spring had arrived, but since Winter Storm Walda hit (and since when did they start naming snowstorms?), I’ve lost the will to go on.

Meteorologists and their colorful maps. Bah!

Meteorologists and their colorful maps. Bah! Image: mpr.org

Also: WALDA? Who names a storm Walda?

It’s all just icy roads and snirt out there. Snirt? The dirty snow left at the end of the season. It’s depressing. I just want to get back out in the garden, and finally get the growing season underway.

Is this too much to ask?

Is this too much to ask?

As Mr. Gates points out:

[O]nce the gardening bug has bitten you may find yourself committed to an annual roller-coaster ride of emotions that can transport you from the heights of elation to the outer limits of exasperation and — along the way — deliver a reminder of what it is to be human.

Lovely. But Mr. Gates lives in that green and pleasant land where the daffodils are already up, while we’re here. Where it sleeted today. I could tell him a thing or two about the outer limits of exasperation.

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